Hope

As we travel West from the barren, frigid Prairie roads we find a sky drowned by the sun and surrounded by majestic mountains. I am suddenly lifted by the beauty before me. It reminds me that despite sorrow and loss, there is a world full of opportunities and promise. I remember resisting against my Dad's offers to go for walks as a teenager. I get that now, the purity and simplicity one can only experience in nature is something not to be taken for granted. The best part of my trip home was the moment when I stood on the lake Dad made in front of our childhood home. My brother was on the lake with my husband and our kids preparing the ice for skating. I stood there with a heavy heart, knowing this was the vision Dad had for his property. A place where everyone could enjoy this pure, beautiful nature. As I watch the new year begin, I know it will bring its' share of sadness but there is still a life worth loving and living.

Heading Home

Heading back home after a Christmas visit with my family. What was supposed to be a week full of tradition and fun turned into a series of emotional days. I learned my fathers brain tumor is growing and will take his life. The words "a couple months" resonate in my mind. The pictures of the scans the Dr showed me of the white cloud engulfing my Dads brain won't escape my thoughts. What was previously a mysterious illness with an unknown future is now a certain, tragic conclusion to my Fathers life. A man who spent his life working to give his family the life he dreamed of. I watched as my entire family shed tears of hopelessness and despair. I held my Dad's hand as he cried over his fate, looking into my eyes to plead that he was not ready to see his life end. When he told us all that we shouldn't wait to live our dreams I knew he was thinking of all the dreams he has never pursued. My heart aches for him. It aches for the pain his tumor causes him, how it has robbed him of his strength. I see him watching his grand-kids knowing he'll miss out on the rest of their futures. As the distance between us increases, I wish I could be closer, wish I could see him every day and take care of him and hold his hand through the most difficult time in his life. As most look forward to bringing in the New Year, I dread the inevitable loss it will bring. A loss that will forever cause a void in my life.

Please look after him
Hold his hand when he is weak
Give him words of reassurance when he feels hopeless
Show him he is loved and adored
Guide him through the rest of his journey
Smile when he needs comfort
And most of all just be there for him as I wish I could